Can't get into study!

While the notes of Landing in London ( 3 Doors Down) are playing on my headphones, I realize I haven't studied anything AT ALL today! I cannot concentrate, it's getting difficult by the second :(

It's not that I'm lazy (which I usually am), it's more of a feeling of... sadness? I'm losing hope in passing my exams, I am doubting myself and my skills. I'm feeling lonely, need to get out from home: what about going running for half an hour? Let's see what happens after that...

Damnshock

Sant Esteve: a really strange day

Here in Catalunya it's not a working day, it's Sant Esteve. Many catalan families gather all the members and have copious and big meals with (hopefully) happyness all around. As so, today I went with my mum to visit my grandparents and we had a really good lunch. That was the easy part of today.

What did I do later? I got to my flat and thought it would be great to study a little bit as for yesterday didn't do much and neither this morning. As I started, I realised I got two lost calls from a friend. I called her at once and spend some minutes talking with her: we set a dinner to see each other! After more than six months! it's been really great seeing you again Anna, I've really missed you.

Later on, I tried to study a bit more. It was impossible tough. Talking with Anna brought Marta to my mind again. I still miss her and with our stupid "fights" we are setting our friends in between. Don't really know how to behave, swallow my proud and try to "solve" things seems a good option but I am not sure it's the best. The best thing will probably be to see her again and really *talk* with her: see what's wrong, why everything went so wrong, what I did badly (because I'm sure I did :(), what she did badly... All these are thoughts that are coming to my mind, it will be good to, as we say here in Spain, "consultar con la almoahada" (ask my pillow!).

Wanna know what? I went running again!!! YESSSSSSSS at least i did! It was for only 15minutes though. However, it was reliefing finally being able to run! The feeling is *AWESOME*. Tomorrow 20 minutes more are coming :D I expect my muscles to handle the effort as it is not really much ;).

The dinner with Anna was great, as always is with her. It's really easy having fun with her! Lots of kisses Anna! I couldn't stay any longer because tomorrow i have to get up early but there will be plenty of opportunities in the future because I for sure will go to visit you in Denmark more often.

Well, that's all for now folks...

Damnshock

Loser

Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
Take your lies get off my case
Someday I will find a love
That flows through me like this
This will fall away,
this will fall away
You’re getting closer to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser
And sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope,
I'm taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeah
This is getting old,
I can’t break these chains that I hold
My body’s growing cold,
There’s nothin left of this mind
Or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away,
This will fall away
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope and
I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope
And I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser...

This song is from 3 Doors Down on "The Better life". Am I at the edge? Do I need someone to hold me in? Or maybe something...

What happened to us?

I thought it was too good to be true
I found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me to get through
and fill an emptiness I had inside me
but you kept inside and I just denied
some things that we should have both said
I knew it was too good to be true
cause I'm the only one who understands me

what happened to us
we used to be so perfect...

Somnis...

( I must apologize for writing in Catalan, but tonight I just wanna write down some thoughts in my mother tongue)

Què són els somnis sino extensions dels nostres propis sentiments i desitjos? Intervenen potser les nostres pors i febleses? Sovint els meus somnis semblen una continuació de coses inacabades, situacions que potser havia esperat tinguessin lloc però no arribaven a succeïr.

Però les meves últimes vivències nocturnes no tenen res a veure amb tot això... em vol dir hom alguna cosa? hi ha algun missatge amagat en les situacions viscudes en aquests somnis? N'he de extreure alguna cosa de com acaben?

En qualsevol cas, són visions força instructives i alliçonadores a les quals intentaré remetre'm en el futur.

Damnshock

Déjà vu

This last week has been intense, very intense. I've been disturbed by this "déjà vu" feeling more than once :S there was a mix between it an guilt...

First came the guilt but a few hours later the other one came into play: suddenly i was remembering problems I had all along the last year which I thought were far from appearing again :( Why have they come back? I don't want them to get into my life again, they were awfully exhausting and absorbing.

I'm determined not to allow them to interfere... I won't! May that make me insensitive? It might, but now it's simply not the time... I don't feel ready to face the tiredness I felt every day I dealt with them :(

Both of the feelings are still in my heart but I'm ready to get rid of them this coming weekend.

These lines do not mean I am right, they just mean I don't have enough energy to stand things not really important (IMHO).

Damnshock

Be yourself

"Tenemos miedo a mostrarnos y a ser juzgados"

Today I read this sentence which means: "We are afraid of showing ourselves and be judged". As simple as it is and so sad :(

What are we afraid of? Why don't we express ourselves simply as we are inside? Explain your opinions, tell everybody your ideas and concerns, discuss... don't fear what others will think of you.

One of my best friends has absolutely opposite political ideas to mine but that doesn't get between us and many times I enjoy discussing because I *learn* much from him. I believe we need a counter-weight, we need someone or something that open our eyes to what other people think. That make us better than we are.

Remember: don't be afraid to show who you are and what you think. Be strong!

Thanks for a great night

What a funny night we had yesterday at Mar's sister's birthday party!

From left to right: Esteban, Fran, Gonzalo, Marc( me ;) ) and Mar

Toshiba U200: suspend to ram on linux

Hi folks!

Well, this post is about my little baby: my U200-141 from toshiba.

It's been about 6 months since i bought this laptop and i haven't been able to get it to suspend to ram correctly. First of all, there was a problem with the ata_piix driver and it took 5-10 minutes to get the machine to suspend. Tejun found the problem and add the necessary to the code to get it working. This solved many problems with other laptops of the same family (U205 and so on) but, as usual, there's a problem with my version (at least with my machine)

The code in drivers/ata/ata_piix.c looks like:

.ident = "Satellite U200",
.matches = {
DMI_MATCH(DMI_SYS_VENDOR, "TOSHIBA"),
DMI_MATCH(DMI_PRODUCT_NAME, "Statellite U200"),
},

Well, after looking at the dmidecode in my machine, i tought i had to change the ident and product name to capitals as here:

.ident = "SATELLITE U200",
.matches = {
DMI_MATCH(DMI_SYS_VENDOR, "TOSHIBA"),
DMI_MATCH(DMI_PRODUCT_NAME, "SATELLITE U200"),
},

And now the suspend to ram works correctly!

I had to add that my laptop is much more stable with the i810 graphics driver than with the intel one. However, there's been a new release of the driver this week which i wanna try. I'll keep you all informed :)

Damnshock

Learn humility

Life gives us great lessons and, sometimes, it gives them more than once:

HUMILITY

Why is it so difficult for me to *really* learn this important lesson? I always trip with the very same rock again and again. Why? why? why? Every once in a while, life manages to hit me again with some situation that makes me kneel and realize my limits and that my skills will not always work.

This week, it came again :( humility! why do i always lose you?

Looking forward becoming a better person...

Yours sincerely,

Damnshock

Love traveling!

Isn't this sunset beautifull? This photo was taken in Taos ( New Mexico) this last summer by my good friend Eric. We had a great week there! I couldn't follow your pace with the mountain bike! We have to try with another sport like skiing!

Wish I could visit you all again! Anna, Kate(specially you), Rose and Eric, thanks a lot for the great summer I had!

Miss you!

There's my little goddaughter! Isn't she cute? I miss her and all my family from Madrid :( Maybe I can visit them on February...

Escape

"Another day goes without any change
The feeling we live with still remains
We're stuck in a whole and we're searching for anything to hold on to
There has to be somewhere that we can be safe from the lives we live each day
There has to be somewhere that we can be far away....."


Are we trapped? Does the actual way of life make us happyless? I continuously find people with the "apparent" necessity of finding problems where there are not. Why can't we just enjoy what we have and be *happy*.

This is as much to you as it is to myself: "carpe diem!" It should be as easy as Sonia's showing us!

Growing up...

There you are my friend, in the last months (actually, it's been almost half a year since we first met) we've become pretty close, haven't we?

Many things done, many hours spent talking and laughing at each other... it's been a really great time!

I hope this goes on!

Thanks!