Can't get into study!

While the notes of Landing in London ( 3 Doors Down) are playing on my headphones, I realize I haven't studied anything AT ALL today! I cannot concentrate, it's getting difficult by the second :(

It's not that I'm lazy (which I usually am), it's more of a feeling of... sadness? I'm losing hope in passing my exams, I am doubting myself and my skills. I'm feeling lonely, need to get out from home: what about going running for half an hour? Let's see what happens after that...

Damnshock

Sant Esteve: a really strange day

Here in Catalunya it's not a working day, it's Sant Esteve. Many catalan families gather all the members and have copious and big meals with (hopefully) happyness all around. As so, today I went with my mum to visit my grandparents and we had a really good lunch. That was the easy part of today.

What did I do later? I got to my flat and thought it would be great to study a little bit as for yesterday didn't do much and neither this morning. As I started, I realised I got two lost calls from a friend. I called her at once and spend some minutes talking with her: we set a dinner to see each other! After more than six months! it's been really great seeing you again Anna, I've really missed you.

Later on, I tried to study a bit more. It was impossible tough. Talking with Anna brought Marta to my mind again. I still miss her and with our stupid "fights" we are setting our friends in between. Don't really know how to behave, swallow my proud and try to "solve" things seems a good option but I am not sure it's the best. The best thing will probably be to see her again and really *talk* with her: see what's wrong, why everything went so wrong, what I did badly (because I'm sure I did :(), what she did badly... All these are thoughts that are coming to my mind, it will be good to, as we say here in Spain, "consultar con la almoahada" (ask my pillow!).

Wanna know what? I went running again!!! YESSSSSSSS at least i did! It was for only 15minutes though. However, it was reliefing finally being able to run! The feeling is *AWESOME*. Tomorrow 20 minutes more are coming :D I expect my muscles to handle the effort as it is not really much ;).

The dinner with Anna was great, as always is with her. It's really easy having fun with her! Lots of kisses Anna! I couldn't stay any longer because tomorrow i have to get up early but there will be plenty of opportunities in the future because I for sure will go to visit you in Denmark more often.

Well, that's all for now folks...

Damnshock

Loser

Breathe in right away,
Nothing seems to fill this place
I need this every time,
Take your lies get off my case
Someday I will find a love
That flows through me like this
This will fall away,
this will fall away
You’re getting closer to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser
And sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope,
I'm taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser, I’m a loser, yeah
This is getting old,
I can’t break these chains that I hold
My body’s growing cold,
There’s nothin left of this mind
Or my soul
Addiction needs a pacifier,
The buzz of this poison is taking me higher
This will fall away,
This will fall away
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope and
I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser
You’re getting closer, to pushing me
Off of life’s little edge
Cause I’m a loser and sooner or later
You know I’ll be dead
You’re getting closer,
You’re holding the rope
And I’m taking the fall
Cause I’m a loser...

This song is from 3 Doors Down on "The Better life". Am I at the edge? Do I need someone to hold me in? Or maybe something...

What happened to us?

I thought it was too good to be true
I found somebody who understands me
someone who would help me to get through
and fill an emptiness I had inside me
but you kept inside and I just denied
some things that we should have both said
I knew it was too good to be true
cause I'm the only one who understands me

what happened to us
we used to be so perfect...

Somnis...

( I must apologize for writing in Catalan, but tonight I just wanna write down some thoughts in my mother tongue)

Què són els somnis sino extensions dels nostres propis sentiments i desitjos? Intervenen potser les nostres pors i febleses? Sovint els meus somnis semblen una continuació de coses inacabades, situacions que potser havia esperat tinguessin lloc però no arribaven a succeïr.

Però les meves últimes vivències nocturnes no tenen res a veure amb tot això... em vol dir hom alguna cosa? hi ha algun missatge amagat en les situacions viscudes en aquests somnis? N'he de extreure alguna cosa de com acaben?

En qualsevol cas, són visions força instructives i alliçonadores a les quals intentaré remetre'm en el futur.

Damnshock